Philip Seymour Hoffman's longtime partner said she predicted his death when he relapsed and began using heroin, and she even told him so.
The great actor was found dead of an overdose in February 2014.
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Mimi O'Donnell, who dated Philip for 15 years up until his death, wrote about Philip in an essay for Vogue. She said she became increasingly concerned when he began using after 20 years of sobriety, but he promised her he would go to rehab.
"As soon as Phil started using heroin again, I sensed it, terrified. I told him, 'You're going to die. That's what happens with heroin,'" she said. "Every day was filled with worry. Every night, when he went out, I wondered: Will I see him again?"
The Oscar-winning actor and Mimi shared three children. Mimi wasn't the only one who worried that Philip's life would be cut short either.
"When I look back at how close we all were, I wonder whether Phil somehow knew that he was going to die young," she says in the essay. "He never said those words, but he lived his life as if time was precious… In some ways, our short time together was almost like an entire lifetime."
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Mimi states that Philip's addictions got worse and got better at different times, but in late 2013 she realized how bad his problems actually were.
"For the first time I realized that his addiction was bigger than either of us. I bowed my head and thought, I can't fix this. It was the moment that I let go," she said. "I told him, 'I can't monitor you all the time. I love you, I'm here for you, and I'll always be here for you. But I can't save you.'"
She continued, "It's difficult to stay in a relationship with an active addict. It feels like being boiled in oil. But I couldn't abandon him. I just had to figure out: How do I live with him? And how do I do it without caregiving or enabling, and in a way that protects the kids and me?"
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As for Philip's death, "It happened so quickly. Phil came home from Atlanta, and I called a few people and said that we needed to keep an eye on him," Mimi wrote. "Then he started using again, and three days later he was dead."
Now, Mimi is living with a new reality.
"It's been almost four years since Phil died, and the kids and I are still in a place where that fact is there every day. We talk about him constantly, only now we can talk about him without instantly crying," she said. "That's the small difference, the little bit of progress that we've made. We can talk about him in a way that feels as though there's a remembrance of what happened to him, but that also honors him."
